Community Crisis Center

Becoming Whole Again

Imagine loving someone. Imagine trusting this person to care for you in what you hope is a mutually supportive relationship. Imagine that trust being eroded, perhaps slowly at first, as this person starts to criticize you, belittle you, berate you. Finally, the remnant of that trust is shattered as this person subjects you to severe abuse, whether it is verbal, psychological or physical. This is what often happens to a woman who finds herself a victim of domestic violence. The one she loves can no longer be trusted.

But at first the woman does not want to believe this. After a significant incident, the abuser will often return to being the loving and caring man that she remembers. Perhaps he’ll change, she thinks. Maybe this is related to something else – a problem with work, or that difficult relationship he had with his family, his frustrations at being a parent. Or, she thinks, maybe there is something wrong with me. At this point, the abuser has won a major victory, because his victim is questioning her worth as a person. He has broken her belief in herself, and damaged her self-esteem.

For many reasons, it is difficult for a woman to seek help if she is a victim of domestic violence. She may have a difficult time accepting that she is in her situation. "This does not happen to people like me" or "I promised myself that I would never let someone treat me the way my mother was treated" are common thoughts. She may be concerned about her financial situation if she leaves, she may worry about losing her children, she may be embarrassed, or she may simply feel that no one will believe her story. Taking that first step and seeking help is difficult but vital if she is going to break the cycle of violence in which she is caught. The Community Crisis Center is here 24 hours a day for the woman who is in a domestic violence situation, for her children and for her friends and family members who want to support her in her effort to create a safe place for herself.

Ann is one of those women who was able to take that first step and come to us. If you met Ann today, you would see a successful businesswoman who is poised, well spoken, attractive and quietly confident. When she came to the Community Crisis Center many years ago, she was the same attractive and articulate woman, but you would not have thought of her as confident or comfortable with herself. She was the mother of a small child who found herself in a difficult and abusive relationship with a man she thought she could trust, the father of her child.

Ann never stayed in a shelter, she was a walk-in client. She had the resources to ensure that she and her child were safe after she left her abuser. She worked with the counselor and the legal advocate to take the steps she needed to take in order to end the relationship and to protect herself and her child. Ann tells us that it helped her a great deal to come here. We provided a private and safe place for her to think through all that she needed to do. She recently shared with us that she appreciated our philosophy that the victim must choose the path she takes to remove herself from the violence. She felt encouraged to be self-supporting, and to take positive steps that would benefit her and her child.

Ann attended one of our support groups for several years. She recalls at first going to group each week feeling shaky and uncertain about why she was attending and what direction her life was taking. But she attended group regularly because she knew the support and encouragement she received from other group members and her counselor sustained her. She remains good friends with some of those group members.

Ann has indeed become whole again. She attributed her healing to about 20% counseling from the Community Crisis Center and 80% her own spiritual growth. That small child for whom she had so much concern is now a healthy thriving teenager. Ann has remarkably found a way to have a cordial relationship with her former abuser as he has continued his role as father to their child. Ann has a great career, and has been able to travel and do many new things. After a few years, she felt ready to begin dating again. She told us that she learned a lot about herself, and that has made her more confident in her relationships with other people. Ann now volunteers for the Community Crisis Center by speaking to domestic violence support groups and participating in awareness events to show people that it is possible to break the cycle of violence and to live a healthy and whole life.

Thanks United Way for your partnership. Your support helps us help so many individuals like Ann.
 
 

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